I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
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