Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
