um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
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And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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