i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
