I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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