checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
