I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
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I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
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Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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