well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
