No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
