period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
