His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
