So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
