Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
