3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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