Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
