laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
