I'm pants shitting drunk right now
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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