Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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