His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
