I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
