you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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