if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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