I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
