Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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