i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Randomize
