Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
