Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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