the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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