Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Quick, to the slutcave!
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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