hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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