hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
