Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
