Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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