I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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