It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
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Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
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He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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