Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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