We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
