I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I understand Curling. That high.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
