You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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