i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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