I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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