Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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