update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
