pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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