dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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