I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
How's work?
Spinning.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
