After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
