ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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