We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
