did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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