We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
