I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
