I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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