this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
