if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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