just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize