Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
