I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
