Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
nutella sex= disaster
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
